doing nothing

There are days, like today, when being an artist and choosing to live the life of an artist completely overwhelms me. In my head, there is a swirling list of projects I want to finish, there are characters who want to talk and there are questions that need to be answered. On my desk, there are very real bills that need to be paid, there are email messages to be returned and there is a blinking red light on my answering machine that means someone somewhere needs something from me. And then, there is the clock that reminds me - I only have this day, this one day, to be.


Meditation. Yes, everyone says I must meditate and somedays, I remember to and somedays, it helps. Exercise. Yes, everyone says I must exercise and somedays, I get off my ass and somedays, it helps. Gratitude lists. Yes, yes, yes, I make lists and lists and I am grateful, truly I am and do I have to keep announcing that over and over to the Universe????

What about those days when it just feels TOO BIG TO CONQUER? When you're too pissed to meditate and too depressed to exercise and just too childishly grumpy to be grateful? Where do you stand on those days? What do you do?

It is in this moment when emotions can only create reactivity within me that I choose to do nothing. Nothing at all. I shut my mouth. I don't reply to emails. I don't pick up the phone. I don't call a friend to vent. I choose nothing because it is the only safe choice.

Why do nothing?

I have always been a super-pro-active person. I always fix and cajole and massage and try to improve the situations that arise around me. I used to believe that my emotions had to be acted upon - that I needed to be instantly responsive to life, to my career, to my work, to my business of being an artist. I functioned as any artist would within a nurturing, creative setting. I listened and I acted upon those emotions. Then I realized, I wasn't dealing with other artists. I was dealing with business people and that meant, I needed to learn an entirely different language. The first step to speaking a new language is to listen and listening, to me, feels like doing nothing. So, today, I am doing nothing.

How to do nothing?

Aye, there's the rub. Even this post is an action, isn't it? If I were Buddhist, I might have a set of tools to accomplish nothingness. I might have a mountain on which to sit or a monk to act as mentor but I am not Buddhist, I am a writer and when pushed, I turn to words to save me. I ask the blank page to act as confidante. I put pen to blue line and ask for guidance. Please, take me from line to line and show me, show me the happy ending.

Is it nothing? Writing? Somedays, it feels like it and today, is one of those days.

Feedback: Friend or Foe?

Last night I hosted a reading of a new and very funny screenplay in my living room. I love being surrounded by talent - actors, writers and comics - and it's wonderful to see a writer's growth on the page, when a draft has actually changed and has gotten better as a result of those changes. I've always believed that rewriting reveals a writer's true talent - do you have the bravery to "kill your babies" and to completely overhaul those first instinctive raw words? Are you able to retain the original intention in the process?


After the reading, a few people stayed behind to offer the writer feedback and it got me thinking about this component of creativity - the "notes sessions" that are part of the creative process. Certainly, we can lose sight of our own work while in the midst of it - we often speak about being "too close" to the material or feeling overwhelmed by the size of the task. Maybe the changes we're making seem to be unraveling every line, the paints we've chosen to "correct" have now "ruined" the original vision or an actor is "grasping" in the middle of a limited rehearsal schedule.

There is that moment, in the middle, when it seems we will never reach the end. It is often when we are feeling the most lost that we reach out and ask for help, ask for notes, ask for feedback -- I'm starting to think that is THE WORST time to ask. The work itself is fragile and the artist behind the work needs nothing but love and passion and support to keep going. If we aren't very careful as artists, we may hear words that STOP our creativity rather than SUPPORT it.

How can you keep this from happening?

HANDPICK THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.

If you need to hear something read, work with actors you trust and know. If the song isn't working, schedule a meeting with your mentor. If you're just about to throw the painting through a window, take a breath and track down an old classmate to talk shop.

If you can't handpick the people, is it possible to meet with a cheerleader in advance to boost your confidence? Or perhaps, you can visualize the meeting/notes session in advance and come up with a plan about how you can handle yourself if the going gets tough - ask for a glass of water or step out for a bathroom break to stop the flow if you're feeling overwhelmed.

CONTROL THE CONVERSATION, IF YOU CAN

Limit your audience to three questions you want answered during the feedback session. Write those questions down and have them in front of you. Give each person a limited period of time in which to answer those questions. When the time is up, it's up.

In industry situations, this may not be possible but have you tried? Some wonderful ways I've heard of artists dealing with executive notes sessions is to A. request written notes in advance of the meeting, B. to take a tape recorder to the meeting or C. to request that the notes sessions be broken into "acts" so that there is more frequent feedback but the information becomes very specific.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

Don't ask what is wrong with your piece - ask what works, what moved people, what stuck out as really interesting, what they liked, what draws their eye, what makes them feel. Focus on ways in which those positive aspects can be enhanced.

As they say in the South - you catch more bears with honey...if you know what people love about your work, you'll focus on your strengths and hey, you may even be more motivated to finish!

Last night's screenplay had already been through numerous drafts and the writer was seeking very specific information from her audience. Her readers had read several drafts and were able to reference the changes and speak about the script with the full history of the project in mind. The tone was helpful and friendly and the notes were uber-specific.

But I've certainly witnessed NIGHTMARE situations with other creative projects where an artist is nearly being attacked by a well-meaning friend who actually harbors quiet jealousy or even worse, given notes by a room full of strangers who have no concept of an artists entire body of work and how this piece relates.

Maybe your piece is in an earlier state and needs more protection. Maybe it's ready to be seen and you're feeling super confident. Either way, the most important element is your own awareness of what you NEED from the feedback in order to continue the work.

Before you open yourself to feedback, listen to your gut then choose the format and venue and way that you WANT to receive your notes. We are only at the mercy of others if we allow ourselves to be.

How do you handle feedback?

the art of ritual

For the past two weeks, I've been a writing monster. I have churned out pages and I have worked non-stop for hours. It's been a long, long time since I've had such an uber-productive run and I was completely enjoying the flow until yesterday, suddenly, it all stopped. I got not one word on the page. Barely even opened up my laptop except to check Facebook. My agitation was palpable. I was easily irritated, grumpy and tired. I knew my emotions were a result of not being creative but I didn't know what had happened to stop the momentum.

I wanted to know why.

So this morning, I'm taking a look at my ritual. I'm asking myself, "What are the actions I take from the moment I wake up until the moment I sit down to work?"

In the past two weeks, I started my mornings with breakfast then a meditation that calmed me. I also announced out loud to the Universe or whoever else may be listening, my creative intentions for the day such as, "Today, I will write 5,000 new words." or "Today, I will revise the first 30 pages." My mornings were quiet, disconnected and completely focused on creation. There were no phone calls. There was some email checking and Facebook posting but mostly, there was the wonderful nothingness of being. I fed myself and I had a deadline: at 3:30 pm, my fiance would return from his rehearsals and my writing day would end.

So, my effective ritual had been...

Get Up Quietly
Tend the Body -- Clean & Eat
Social Stuff on Computer
Meditation -- Announcing Daily Creative Intention Aloud
Writing Until Imposed Deadline

That had worked.  How did it get stopped yesterday? Yesterday, I woke up and immediately returned a phone call while I was still in bed. I didn't eat or shower first thing. My fiance had the day off so I didn't meditate or announce my intentions and there was no deadline so the day seemed entirely free for my use. How did I use it? Cleaning and piddling about and "computerizing" which is being on a computer with no results to show for it.

Then I got angry at myself for not writing and that turned into aggravation and grumpiness and snapping and the anxiety that comes when you feel like you should be doing something other than what you are doing at that exact moment in time.

Sound familiar?

TODAY'S CREATIVITY EXERCISE

What is your most effective ritual? Do you have one? Do you need one? Take a moment today to analyze the ways in which you support your creative work. On a good day, what did you do? On a bad day, what did you do? How did they differ? What aspects or actions are helpful to your creative process and which are damaging?

It can be as simple as looking at what you are eating or drinking. Is coffee necessary for your wake up? Does sugar give you a lift and then drop you like a hot potato halfway through the work? Are you hung-over and slow to start? Are you treating your body like an extension of your creativity or is your intellect/talent dragging that body around with you? Can the two learn to work together?

Just take the next few days and pay attention to the way you work. In what ways can your creative process be enhanced, further supported? Do you need noise? Do you need quiet? Do you need more light?

When you spot a problem, fix it. If something works, keep it.

And please, feel free to share your helpful suggestions through the comments section below.

set the intention

Declare yourself! Use the comment box below to announce the creative project you intend to start and finish -- if it doesn't have a name/title, just give us a brief description. And hey, even better, set a date for when you want to finish the piece/painting/score/film/etc. Put it out there - set the intention and see what happens!